my cup runneth over...

i was going to wait a little before i wrote this. i thought, "wait until you can write this without the fog of tears clouding your ability to see or think straight!". but i realized quickly that given who i am the possibility of me writing this without tears was about as likely as me using my gym membership...it's never gonna happen! i cried when i caught the first glimpse of caitlin as she headed toward me from the security gate. i cried a little more when i finally had her in my arms. i've since had a couple of really good cries as i've thought about everything and everybody she's left behind. and truth be told, i've even cried a few tears of jealousy at not having been there with her. and so before i even begin, i sit here with that familiar breath-inhibiting clenching of my throat. and the pooling in my eyes that makes it difficult to see, new glasses not withstanding. and a fierce, determined resolve to share what i feel no matter what. tears be dammed! please. (note the spelling...it's a request, not a declaration)

the words thank you hardly seem adequate. in fact they're so incredibly lacking that they don't even come close to expressing the magnitude of gratitude i feel. (i really wish that didn't rhyme). in the same way that you sometimes need words like ginormous and gargantuan and monolithic proportions in order to describe something that is bigger than big, larger that just large, there has to be a word that is more expressive that just thank you. what word, real or imagined, is the thank you equivilent of monolithic proportions? for the first time in my life i am lost for words. if it wasn't for the fact that i am typing this i would actually be speechless.

thank you, to the power of monolithic proportions, for all the love, time, effort, money, food, acceptance, caring, petrol, vacation days, hugging, resources, warmth, organizing, house cleaning, laughter, selflessness, sharing, and the calling in of favors on caitlin's behalf. thank you for all the reigning in and the letting go. thank you for all the anythings and everythings that took place to ensure caitlin felt welcomed and instantly a part of her vast irish-australian heritage. thank you for proving me right in everything i'd told her to expect. i gave her fair warning that she'd fall in love with you and vice versa. she came home having had the experience of her life. experiences she can hold and cherish for a lifetime.

as different family members have come to visit the various families here in the states i have been constantly amazed how quickly we have all fallen into place with each other. seamlessly. effortlessly. each time i've been surprised by this seemingly strange phenomenon of instant connectedness, as if we were all just picking up where we'd left off the last time: except there has never been a last time for my kids. and yet each and every time, regardless of who, regardless of age, regardless of time, quick visits or extended stays, weather through blood or marriage, the knowledge that we are family seemed to bind us instantaneously. i used to think it was something inexplicable, some force of nature, but as we drove with ellen to levi and rebecca's wedding and were discussing this 8th wonder of the world, i suddenly had the thought that we had indeed all met before; we were family in the pre-existence, we've known each other forever already. i thought that as each of us meet for that very first time, a gracious Father in Heaven parts the veil just ever, ever, so slightly, and just quick enough for our souls meet again and say, "oh, i remember you!". while i understand this theory probably isn't in any theological resource material held at byu or church headquarters, i like to believe it is one of the Lords many tender mercies. don't correct me if i'm wrong...just leave me to my fantasy.

regardless of which continent you're on....i love you all beyond anything you could ever know; more than i could ever adequately express. until we meet again, may the Lord keep and bless you.

thank you.

i love you.

forever,

sharry.